Taking Resonsibility

One of the hallmarks of dysfunction is that you cannot take responsibility for what you do, think or say.  It will always be someone elses fault.  In a family or community system that equals out to needing to have a scapegoat.  Someone to blame when things do not work out in a positive manner.  In a functional family or community system you are able to take responsibility for what you did that may have caused a problem or even harm to someone else without too much hassle.  There is a discussion, even anger but the issue is worked out eventually and all is okay with the world within that group again.  No one gets physically, emotionally, verbally or mentally hurt by the event.  Each person handles their own feelings about what happened and a healthy discussion about what went wrong is able to occur.  The discussion is not about getting even or owing someone something because of what happened.  The discussion instead is about lovingly getting to a place where the same thing does not happen again and working out how that may occur.  A discussion about how to do it better next time without making the person responsible feel worthless, merely human and capable of making mistakes like the rest of us.  In a functional system the person responsible will come to their own way of making up for what they did without needing a prompt from anyone or being made to feel guilty.  In a functional system there is no judgement about the person that is responsible.  There is only a need from everyone to make it better so it doesn’t happen again and everyone learns from the mistake that was made and accepts responsibility for their part in making it happen.

Making mistakes is a human thing.  If you are a human being you have and will continue to make mistakes.  Maybe not the same ones as your neighbor but mistakes none the less.  Making a judgement about whether your mistake is better or worse than another persons is ludicrous.  A mistake is just that, a mistake.  You cannot learn from mistakes if you do not admit to them, you will continue to make the same ones unless you do.   There is nothing right or wrong, better or worse about it. The only time anything may be right or wrong is when something was done on purpose, but then it is not a mistake.  It is a purposeful act, deliberately done.  Not a mistake.  These video’s will help you to relax and give away what is necessary to learn from your mistakes.  Link to the video’s.   Enjoy!

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dtoomey2015

I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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