For the most part life is not fair and who ever told you it was lied to you. If you love and or care about someone and are fighting with them the way to do it is not to try to win. Like I wrote yesterday arguing with someone should not be about winning and losing. It should be about resolving issues so you both can live with the result. It is not about dragging everything you have ever done out every time you argue just to make sure you win or to prove whatever point you’re trying to make. You should discuss only the issue at hand. If there is a pattern to what is happening now you can mention the fact that there is a pattern but not every single thing that relates to that pattern. Bringing up old issues only clouds what is happening now. It is also not about yelling at each other. When yelling begins, your hearing what the other person is saying stops. It then becomes pointless to continue because no one is hearing anything. If you are angry, walk away until you have your anger under control. Then talk about what happened and why you’re angry. If you begin to get angry again while you’re talking about the problem, walk away again, or allow the other person to walk away and do not follow them. Following them or yelling at them diminishes both of you. Following them indicates you need to control the situation. Yelling shows that you are too angry to discuss anything at the moment. Both of those things will not resolve anything. They will make it worse and now you have two problems. The original one and now the fact that you are yelling or having to control the situation.
Controlling yourself and your emotions, especially anger is sometimes difficult if you are not used to doing it. If you are a physical person you may have to go for a run or a walk to get ride of the anger energy. If you are more sedate you may want to listen to music or read a book to get rid of the energy. It does not matter what you do, the point is to get rid of it so you are calm enough to talk. It is about controlling you, not the other person, so you can resolve the issue so it does not happen again. These video’s can help to relax you and give away what needs to be given away before you begin your talk. Link to the video’s. Enjoy!