Betrayal

Betrayal is something that is very difficult to overcome because it destroys trust in the person or people who have betrayed you.  It seems to be a pattern in some people’s lives however, and this stops them from having relationships on a deeper level. The fear of being betrayed again can stop us from ever having anything more than superficial relationships.  They can be friendly even humorous but superficial because the person who has been betrayed will not let you in too deeply for fear that you will betray them too.   There will always be a wall between you, to protect them from you. Betrayal is painful, you were hurt by someone you trusted enough to let get close to you, know your secrets, things you never told anyone else.  Betrayal is unexpected and usually shocks the person who was betrayed because they were not on guard around this person, they didn’t think they had to have their defenses up around this person.

Healing the person means rebuilding the ability to trust people and dealing with the original betrayal.  You will need to examine what happened again and what went wrong.  You will also have to learn to separate this person from the rest of the world.  Not everyone is going to betray you.  Hanging on to this, is only holding you back from finding a relationship with someone you can trust and will not betray you.  You will need to take baby steps toward confiding in someone again.  Confide something small at first and if you feel that nothing bad has happened with the information or they haven’t gone screaming from the building with whatever you told them, you can try something more serious.  Eventually you will be confiding things that you have never told anyone or things you haven’t told anyone for a while.  This is not going to happen over night.  Everything I write about takes time, there is no instant cure or pill, just hard work, emotional work.

Most of the rebuilding will be around trusting yourself and your judgment again.  Most people who have been betrayed are angry at themselves for not seeing it ahead of time, not knowing this person better, not paying attention to the subtle cues that were happening or just plain not thinking you were smart enough to figure it out before hand.  None of those things are correct.  People who betray you do it all of the time to others.  It is their thing, not yours.  Forgiving yourself is important to your healing.  You would not have seen anything anyway until it would have been too late to do anything about it.  People who betray others are good at doing it and would not have given off too many cues about what they were doing, only ones you would have seen in hindsight.   Forgive yourself for not seeing it before you were hurt.  You did not deserve it, be grateful that your mind does not work like theirs, it is a lonely place to be.  These video’s will help you to relax and get rid of those thing you have no control over.   Link for the video’s.    Enjoy!

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dtoomey2015

I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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