Accepting negative behavior

Often times when I have worked with families in their homes or otherwise they complain about their child or their significant other because they are doing something that is irritating to them.  When asked how long this has been going on the usual answer is “As long as I’ve know them”.   I usually hear the complaint because whatever the behavior happens to be, it has now built to the point where the person cannot tolerate it any longer and is wanting it to either stop or they will get out of the relationship.  There is an old saying that goes something like this:  “start out as you mean to finish”.  So, do not accept anything  from your partner in life or anyone else that you cannot accept for the rest of your life.

At the beginning of a relationship there is a lighthearted glow about things and often times you know that normally what is happening would bother you but now, because it is new, it’s cute and tolerable.  No, it’s not.  You are at the beginning of a relationship where you are walking on air,  in love or lust or both.  Do not base what you will tolerate forever on those emotions.  Lust is fleeting and often times leaves when the reality of everyday comes into play.  Know that.  Act on that.  Do not trust what you are feeling when you are first in a relationship.  Know that if you could not normally tolerate it,  you will still not tolerate it as soon as these initial feelings go away.  If you do accept it now, you are telling the other person it is okay to do whatever it is and the behavior will continue.  If you do not accept it now, you have a better chance of that person not doing it,  because the relationship is new,  then it will be if you wait and they lose that initial glow of caring what you think and feel enough to change or stop.   If you truly care about each other then the other person will care enough to stop the behavior now it will take the usual 3 weeks and 3 weeks to make something else a habit.  Here is my relaxation video while you are waiting for the change to occur.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxfXvKoRJ53hEQ8p1TTmAaw

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dtoomey2015

I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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