Lying and withholding

In a relationship if you are withholding information about yourself, that usually indicates that you are not comfortable enough in the relationship to talk about whatever it might be.  You do not yet trust the other person with the information.  There is a reason for that.  There is something about that person that you are not yet comfortable enough with to tell them your secrets.  If you are lying about who you are or your past experiences for whatever the reason,  you are only hurting yourself and your future relationship.  It would be better to say that you are not yet ready to talk about that.  Most people would respect that statement and if they don’t you shouldn’t be with them anyway.  In the beginning of a relationship people are uncomfortable, they are afraid of being judged and rejected by the other.  They want to be liked by the other.  They want to feel comfortable when they are with the other.   They want connection to the other.  Feeling comfortable enough to talk about secrets may take time.  Not everyone finds that person that they instantly make a connection with and can talk for hours.  Reality says that it usually takes time to get to know the other person.  You have to be willing to take that time and to invest in the relationship.

If you have something in your past that you feel will impact your relationship, then getting it out of the way in the beginning will set the tone for the relationship.  The other will either accept whatever it is or not and feelings will not be as involved in the leaving each other.  When I say the beginning I do not mean the first time you meet.  I mean if it goes past the first several times you meet.  Before you are invested in the relationship and have singled the other out of the crowd.  Your emotions are still not too invested, but you are interested in getting to know this person more.  That would be the time. They will either accept or reject your secret as something they can live with or not.  You have no control over which one they will do. You can walk away without having too many emotions involved yet.  This is my relaxation /guided imagery videos to help get ride of what you cannot control.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxfXvKoRJ53hEQ8p1TTmAaw

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dtoomey2015

I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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