Grieving Loss

There are many kinds of loss.  It is not always about someone dying.  Loss is also not a good way of describing the feelings that happen.  Loss refers to something that has been misplaced.  There is unspoken hope that you will find it.  You won’t.  It’s gone and you won’t get it back later when you look in your closet or under yesterdays News Paper.  The next time you see the person who has died will be in Heaven, if you believe in Heaven.  If not, your never seeing that person again.  If it is about a loss in relationship, an heirloom that has been ruined or stolen, a house that has burned and you have lost all of your children’s baby pictures and memories, again you have not lost them.  You will not walk into a room one day and find them again.  The feeling that happens is greater than losing something that you still have hope of finding.  It is huge and indescribable.  The pain is breathtaking.  There is no English word for it.  If it is a material thing that has been lost, you will grieve for a while and then it will pass with some sadness.  If it is a relationship it will take the rest of your life, but will lessen with time.  If the relationship has been stolen from you because of lies and deceit it will take a long time.  If it is a child, the pain will lessen, but never go away.  Talking about it helps, letting go of what you cannot control helps, praying helps and so does meditation.  Letting go of a child takes a lifetime and the pain is all-consuming at times. Allowing yourself to feel the pain and then letting go of the pain and what you have no control over is the only way to heal.  Grieving is a process, it has steps to it that are accurate.  You will not go through them and then it is over.  You will go through them many, many times before the pain lessens.  You have to walk through it in order to get to the other side, there is no other way around it.  The love for that child or person will never stop, the pain of not having them in your life any longer takes time.  You have to learn to love them without them being present.  That is not an easy task.  The relaxation and guided imagery video will help you to let go of what you cannot control.   Link to the video’s

 

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dtoomey2015

I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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