Fatherlessness

Too often in today’s society we accept not having a father in your life as normal.   It is not normal to not have a father.  It is not normal to tell children that they don’t have a father or that it is okay that they don’t have a father.  It is not okay to push fathers out of children’s lives and it is not okay for those father’s to go.  It is not okay to play emotional blackmail with children and their fathers and it is not okay for the court system to determine when and if a father sees his children.  It is none of your business.  It should be determined by the parents of those children in a mature manner.  If you are not mature enough to make that decision, then what are you doing with children?  After the children come, it is no longer about you, it is about them.  And if you are not a grown up yet, it is time to be one.  Fast.  Or give them to someone who is a grown up and will put their best interests ahead of their own.  Children know that they have a father, children know that they are not being allowed to see their father or that their father doesn’t care enough about them to want to see them.  Or are living across town with an entirely new family and could care less about them.   Fathers bring a lot to children’s lives and without them they are missing critical pieces of their growing up.  Critical pieces of their become loving, caring grown ups that care about their children.  Changing this is simple.  Show up.  Be there.  Be yourself while you are there.  Stick to it even when they’re trying to push you away.  They’re usually only trying to see if you will go, and if you love them enough to stay no matter what.  Unconditional love.  Mom’s, if you are playing games with your children and their fathers, stop.  Your kids are seeing it and will hate you in the long run.  You will loose what you are trying so hard to get.  They need him as much as they need you.  They want him too, they are his too.  Changing this is easy, stop playing games.  Be yourself.  Love unconditionally, think of them before yourself.  Relax, everything works out the way it should.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxfXvKoRJ53hEQ8p1TTmAaw

 

Acceptance

When I work with people who are trying to accept the situation that they find themselves in at the time,  they seem to think that acceptance means they have to accept the situation and can do nothing to change it.  Acceptance does not mean you have to like what has happened, nor does it mean you can do nothing about it.  Most times you will not like what has happened in these situations, or you wouldn’t be struggling with accepting it.  Acceptance means that you see the situation as it is, for what it is and make a decisions about what you’re going to do about it.  That has nothing to do with liking it, swallowing it whole and choking on it or allowing an unacceptable situation to continue.  It is seeing the situation for what it is and doing something to make it acceptable for you or sometimes you and your family.  It does not mean allowing unacceptable things into your life.  It may mean not allowing that thing or person into your life again until they can stop doing whatever it is that you find unacceptable.  It may just mean not allowing that situation to happen again.  That will be your decision.  Accepting something or someone that is unacceptable to you does not ever need to be a choice. Allowing less then what you can be in your life hurts you and the person who is trying to make you do it.  It diminishes both of you. Setting limits for your life is always a good thing and will remain a good guideline to set for yourself.  Setting limits takes courage and self determination to be the best person you can be. If that limit entails not having someone in our life right now,  it does not have to be permanent.  Eventually people come back into your life and you can make another choice, set another limit depending upon the situation at that moment.  Relax and enjoy your new self determination to be the best you, you can be!  Don’t ever accept anything or anyone who makes you less then you are or can be.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxfXvKoRJ53hEQ8p1TTmAaw

Relax and enjoy!

Brokenness

In order for anything to grow it must first break apart.  It will then transform into something new, stronger, beautiful and better than before.  It is only when the brokenness becomes your life that you stay stuck in the brokenness.  When you do that you become bitter, angry and resentful of whatever you think you should have had and didn’t get.  You begin to look at your life as having been cheated out of something that was probable never yours and you missed out on what is yours.  Being grateful for every experience that comes your way, whether that is good or bad, should always be practiced.  It will open you up to what comes next in your life.  Hanging on to the negative emotions will only keep you stuck in that negative place.  Being grateful for the experience will allow you to learn from it and move on with your life and to the next step that needs to be taken in order to reach your goal in life.  The purpose you were sent here to accomplish.     This will help you to relax and get rid of all of those things you have no control over.   Click here for the link to the video’s.   Enjoy!

Triggers during the Holiday

For those of us who were born into dysfunction, there can be triggers that send us back into a place in the past.  We are around those people who would rather have us be the person they once knew, then appreciate the person we have worked so hard to become.  That doesn’t have to mean we have to go there with them.  Triggers do not have to be a bad thing.  They can be a warning that something is about to happen and we need to be mindful not to fall into the same routine.  We can use them as a warning, not as a means to make us fall into the role our dysfunctional family prefers us to be.  You can back away mentally or physically if you have to and not engage n the behavior.  If you find yourself instantly angry, in tears or frustrated by what is going on in the present, I will tell you that any instant emotion has nothing to do with what just happened and everything to do with what just got triggered from your past.  Look at it and then change it.  Make these situations, opportunities for growth instead of situations you would rather avoid.  Take a deep breath, step back emotionally from the situation and relax.  Look at what this situation is teaching you. Place it in the box and give it away, it is no longer you, do not pick it up.  In some situations it was never you, it was just your families perception of you.  Here are the relaxation videos to help you relax and the guided imagery to help you give it away.  Enjoy your Holiday and your family.  Appreciate them for who and what they are, they may begin to do the same to you as well.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxfXvKoRJ53hEQ8p1TTmAaw

Keeping focused

In today’s fast paced world it is difficult to find the time to think about what your purpose in life might be.  It is also difficult because most people today do not believe that they have a purpose or identify their purpose with what they’ve been doing for a living, their work.  That may or may not be their purpose.  That really depends on if it is what makes them happy, gives their life meaning.  It will also depend on if they actually believe that they were born to this world for a greater purpose.  Something other then what they do for a living. If you are not spending time looking for and listening to that small voice inside, then you will not find your purpose.  Things will continue to go wrong for you in your life or you will be unhappy with what you are doing because you are not paying attention to the small voice and are doing what you want instead of what your were sent here to do.  Your greater purpose.  Your dream.  What you may not think is possible but would make you very happy to be doing. What people may tell you is impossible and will not make you money or you can’t live and support yourself doing.  If it is on your heart, you will be able to do it.  It would not be on your heart if you could not do it and be happy while doing it.  If you do not believe that we have a soul, then you will not believe that we have a higher purpose, that we were sent here for another reason other then our parents made us.  If you do believe in the soul, then you will be looking for what you came here to accomplish so you can go back to where you came from having accomplished that goal.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxfXvKoRJ53hEQ8p1TTmAaw

Relax! Enjoy!

Purpose and diverted purpose

If you believe that everyone who is conceived in this world has a purpose and that we are here to achieve that purpose then we all should be striving to accomplish that goal.  To not only find our purpose but to achieve it.  Not all of us believe this fact, not all of us know what our purpose is because we have forgotten it.  We knew it when we were children, but, we allowed the world to get in the way of it.  We began doing something that we might or might not like doing but is not necessarily making us happy.  It is not the purpose we were sent here to do.  It is our diverted purpose, the purpose that we have settled for because we forgot the real one.  Or were told we had no talent for or were not smart enough to do or were not seen as able to accomplish the goal because someone else did not think we could do it.  Do not listen to them, they have their own agenda and it is not in your best interest.  It is in their best interest that you do not succeed.  If you have a dream that you have always wanted to accomplish, do it.  You would not have the dream if you could not accomplish it.  It would not have been placed on your heart if you were not meant to do it.  Begin, and everything else will fall into place.  Do not listen to the people who would stop you.  Do what is on your heart.  It would not be on your heart if you were not meant to do it, something else would have been placed on your heart to accomplish.  Relax and move forward one step at a time.  It will begin to flow and the momentum will take over and thing will begin to happen.  Here is my relaxation video to help you do relax and the guided imagery to get rid of those people who would tell you that you can’t along with the feelings that happen when they are negative.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxfXvKoRJ53hEQ8p1TTmAaw

Filling the empty space

As a therapist I have heard many people say that something is missing in their lives.  There is a void,an empty space that needs to be filled, that they feel empty.  This ties into yesterday’s blog.  If you are not connecting with yourself daily, then you are not only missing yourself but you are missing a deeper connection.  You can call it many things but it is a higher entity, someone greater then yourself that you are shutting out.  The space that you are trying to fill can only be filled by that presence.  You cannot fill it with anything else and the more you try to fill it with other things, the more miserable you will become.  The more empty you will become.  We are so busy in this culture that we do not consider taking the time to sit with ourselves and meditate important.  The only way you will fill the void you feel is to do just that.  While you are sitting there listen.  The void you feel will be filled with someone greater then yourself.  You will need to relax enough and be still enough to allow this to happen.  If you have kept yourself busy for many years now, this will take time. You can slow down gradually.  The first day sit for 5 minutes and think of nothing.  Quiet your mind.  Set a timer.  The next day sit for 10 minutes and gradually increase the amount of time daily by 5 minutes until you are sitting for longer periods and your mind is not trying to divert to other things that have to be done that day.  Use the guided imagery video to get rid of those thing that have to be done that day while you are meditating and the relaxation video to help yourself do that and get your mind in the right place to concentrate.  You won’t regret it.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxfXvKoRJ53hEQ8p1TTmAaw