Speaking in anger

Often times when we are angry we say things that we normally would not say.  We say them to people that we love because they have hurt us.  Whether it is consciously or unconsciously we are saying things that are now hurting the other person.  Speaking in anger only causes more problems between people.  So now, instead of just the thing that caused you to be angry, you now have the hurtful thing(s) you just said to them.  Speaking in anger is never effective to resolve the situation because of this.  It will only bring about more hurt.  If you are angry, underneath the anger is usually hurt.  Someone hurt you.  If you love this person, and you usually do if they got close enough to hurt you, then walk away from the situation until you are calm enough to deal with it.  Go for a walk or run.  Listen to music, use my videos or whatever else it takes to calm yourself.  Then address the situation calmly.  If you find yourself getting angry again, walk away again and repeat this process until you have said what needs to be said about the situation, calmly.  If the other person becomes angry, walk away until they are calm.  Let them know that this is what you will be doing until the situation can be resolved for both of you.  Loving someone does not include making the situation worse than it already might be.  If the idea is to settle the situation to both your advantages, then you do not want to make it worse.  Do not think of this as a win / lose situation.  Think of it as win / win situation.  Do what you can to make that happen, including controlling your anger, so it is not controlling you and the situation.  Here is the relaxation video to help you calm yourself.

 

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dtoomey2015

I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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