Fatherlessness

Too often in today’s society we accept not having a father in your life as normal.   It is not normal to not have a father.  It is not normal to tell children that they don’t have a father or that it is okay that they don’t have a father.  It is not okay to push fathers out of children’s lives and it is not okay for those father’s to go.  It is not okay to play emotional blackmail with children and their fathers and it is not okay for the court system to determine when and if a father sees his children.  It is none of your business.  It should be determined by the parents of those children in a mature manner.  If you are not mature enough to make that decision, then what are you doing with children?  After the children come, it is no longer about you, it is about them.  And if you are not a grown up yet, it is time to be one.  Fast.  Or give them to someone who is a grown up and will put their best interests ahead of their own.  Children know that they have a father, children know that they are not being allowed to see their father or that their father doesn’t care enough about them to want to see them.  Or are living across town with an entirely new family and could care less about them.   Fathers bring a lot to children’s lives and without them they are missing critical pieces of their growing up.  Critical pieces of their become loving, caring grown ups that care about their children.  Changing this is simple.  Show up.  Be there.  Be yourself while you are there.  Stick to it even when they’re trying to push you away.  They’re usually only trying to see if you will go, and if you love them enough to stay no matter what.  Unconditional love.  Mom’s, if you are playing games with your children and their fathers, stop.  Your kids are seeing it and will hate you in the long run.  You will loose what you are trying so hard to get.  They need him as much as they need you.  They want him too, they are his too.  Changing this is easy, stop playing games.  Be yourself.  Love unconditionally, think of them before yourself.  Relax, everything works out the way it should. This will help you relax and give away those thing that you cannot control.  Link to the guided imagery and relaxation video’s   Enjoy!

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dtoomey2015

I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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