Emotional maturity

Most of us are the same age emotionally, mentally and chronologically.  Some of us are not.  The reasons can vary.  Most, however are a result of trauma.  It can be an emotional, physical, verbal, sexual or mental trauma event.  Trauma can be anything that our minds are not prepared to comprehend,  do not understand,  are not old enough or mature enough to understand at the time the event (s) occurred.   If we have had one of these events, we will be stuck at whatever age we were at the time of the event.  Our emotional maturity will stop at that age.  We will continue to grow physically and mentally but we will emotionally be stuck at that age until we deal with the emotions attached to that event.  I have spoken a lot about this in my blog.  That is because I often speak to people who emotional are immature.  Those are the people who are in their 30’s, 40’s or 50’s and are still acting like they are children.  I am not talking about being able to have fun.  All of us should never give up the ability to have fun, find fun in what we are doing.  I am talking about those that are still acting like they are adolescent.  Taking no responsibility, cannot hold a job, angry at everything, fighting all of the time, may have an arrest record, drinking, drugging, manipulative, drama queens and generally  unreliable.  We probable all have at least one in our family.  These people did not get this way by themselves.  They will be responsible for getting themselves the help they need to mature emotionally.  If they are drinking or drugging they will have a greater difficulty because they will have to overcome the drinking and drugging before they can deal with the underlying causal factor.  Under every drinker or drug addict is a causal factor, but that is for another blog.  If the drinker or addict tries to deal with the trauma while still drinking, it will not work.  They will still be running away from the emotions by drinking or drugging, they have to feel them and neutralize them.  The addictive behavior will only add to the existing problem.

Trust and forgiveness are essential to recovery.  Trusting the therapist and themselves, and forgiveness.  The most important person to forgive is themselves.  Most trauma victims think they should have been able to stop whatever happened, especially if they are male and have been molested, again for another blog.  You will have to again be relaxed enough with your therapist to tell them things you have probable never told anyone before.  All of that takes time.  Be patient and relax.  This will help.   Click here for the videos  Enjoy!

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dtoomey2015

I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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