Living with addiction

Like a lot of thing in life, living with someone that has an addiction to something or someone is not easy.  You can be addicted to just about anything.  I describe addiction as anything that takes you away from your life on a regular basis because you feel like you have no choice in the matter.  This thing or person takes you away from everything that you hold dear or love and consumes your time, energy, money and life in general.  It can be anything or anyone. It takes priority over everything else. Their new job becomes seeking the thing or person to which they have become addicted. Living with someone like that is not an easy task.  A lot of what is their responsibility soon becomes yours to take on, as well as  everything else that actually is your responsibility.  You become the mother and the father to your children.  You are consumed by trying to fix that person and make things the way they used to be.  You make excuses for their behavior to others and are often times the bad guy in situations or arguments.  They begin to consume your life by trying to either clean up after them or prevent whatever from happening.  They will pick a fight with you in order to be able to have an excuse to leave and get the thing they seek.  They will say that they do this because you are not a nice person.  If it wasn’t for you they wouldn’t have to do this.  It then becomes your problem to solve, not theirs.  Don’t believe them.  It is their problem.  Your problem has become them, because you have become addicted to them.  They are consuming you life.  Get yourself to Alanon, Alateen or ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics).  You will need this support to encourage you along the way.  They will help you with coping strategies so you do not find yourself old and bitter.  So you are not finding yourself being blamed for things that are not yours to bear.  You may also find a therapist that is familiar with this helpful for your recovery.  Yes, I said your recovery.  You have no control over theirs.  Let it go, let them suffer whatever consequences for their behavior.  They will never learn from their behavior if they keep falling on you.  Your choice is whether or not you are still willing to accept them and their behavior in your life.  Whether or not you are, you will need the support.  You have learned a lot of habits you will want to get rid of and you will need support while doing so.  Your focus has to become you and your responsibilities, not theirs.  They now will need to take on their own whether they like it or not.  Whether you are still living in the same house with them or not.  Getting the support you need does not necessarily mean you have to get rid of them.  If you still love them, you probable won’t want to get rid of them.  You will have to find a new way to live with them.  Get the support you need.  Get rid of the habits you have developed that are not good for your growth.  Let them suffer their own consequences.  Refuse to engage with their behavior.  It takes 2 people to do just about everything in this life, including fighting.  Do not engage.  Let all of it go that is not yours to take.  This guided imagery video will help you do that.     Click here for the videos   Enjoy!

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dtoomey2015

I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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