Life’s burdens

If you are a human being walking around on the face of the earth, you have problems.  You have messed up, made mistakes, done things you are embarrassed about, regret or otherwise wish never happened. Some of us have made really big mistakes and others not so much, but still things we regret. You are not alone, everyone has, even those people who say or act like they never make a mistake and their lives are perfect.  Those are usually the people who are trying to hide the most.  Don’t worry about them, focus on you and owning your own problems and letting others worry about their own.  Everyone has to eventually, it just keeps getting bigger if you don’t.  That does not mean you have to take out an ad in the newspaper and tell everyone.  It means you have to take a look inside and figure out what is yours and what is the other guys.  If you don’t you will never know what to change and what to keep(another blog).  If you are looking at those things as burdens, you have already defeated yourself.  If you can change the language to lessons you will allow yourself to learn from them.  Anything that is looked upon as a burden, makes you want to shrug it off as soon as possible.  Anything that is a lesson is looked upon as something to be learned.  You learn nothing from a burden except how to carry it better.  Lessons allow you to learn something new and to open yourself up to new ideas, including changing what you have always done in the past, but is no longer working for you.  If you are able to learn from your mistakes, whether they are huge or small,  you will be able to grow as a person.  If you are just carrying them around, like the burdens they are, you will never learn from them.  You will just be trying to put them down and not have to carry them anymore.  Doesn’t work.  The only burdens you can put down and walk away from are those that were never yours.  The ones that someone else tried to give to you because they are not strong enough to carry it for themselves.   That would make you their scapegoat.  Stop it.

Learning lessons is not that difficult.  You have to be honest with yourself.  You have to take a look at what part of the mistake was yours and decide whether or not you could have done anything different that would have had a better outcome.  If you have learned what that is, you will do things differently the next time.  There is always a next time.  You will also have to let go of the mistake you made, you will have to forgive yourself for being human and move on with you life.  You may have to forgive someone else as well, do it.  Forgiveness has nothing to do with letting the other person off the hook for what they’ve done, it has to do with your putting down the burden of carry around the memory of whatever happened.  Put it down, the burden of carrying it only hurts you.  Lett it go and free yourself.  This guided imagery video will help.   Click here for the videos  Enjoy!

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dtoomey2015

I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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