Forgiveness

Forgiveness is difficult because most of us feel that it will let the other person off the hook, for whatever was done.  It allows no one to take responsibility for whatever was done. No one is punished.  It is a void between us that stays there hanging on until someone picks it up.  It is always present whenever you are with this person.  If I were to tell you that is only in your mind, not theirs.  That they may or may not remember the event. That the only person carry this around is you, what would you say?  Not forgiving someone is like carrying around a sack of rocks on your back.  Every time someone does something to you, you put another rock in your sack and fling it on your back.  You are the only person suffering with this, you are the only person remembering it, you are the only person carrying it around.  If you put the sack down, you free yourself.  The other person is still responsible for whatever they did, whether they take that responsibility on or not.  Whether they ever acknowledge what they did to you or not.  Whether they ever say they are sorry for doing it or not.  They are still responsible.

Part of forgiveness is forgiving yourself.  Most of us will blame ourselves for not seeing it coming,  for not knowing it was happening until it was too late.  We are angry with ourselves for not being smart enough, cunning enough, too trusting or too naive.  Forgiving yourself for being any of those things is not easy. Sometimes we will allow ourselves to become hardened by the fact that we did allow ourselves to be those things, with this person.  Becoming hardened is hurting you.  It is allowing that event, that person to change you in a negative manner.  If you allow yourself to learn from whatever mistake you made during this event, then you come out of it a better person, not a bitter person, and chances are, next time you will see it coming.  If you refuse to forgive, that is all you will ever see or feel.  It will harden you, make you bitter.  It will only hurt you.  It will never hurt the other person.  Learning from mistakes that are made is a healthy way to deal with any problem.  Taking a look inside at your part of whatever happened is the only thing that you can do.  You have no control over the other person.  Changing you for the better, will allow you to see it coming the next time.  There is always a next time.  Letting go of the anger, resentment and need for revenge will free you and allow you to become a better person.  This guided imagery video will help you to let go of those things and people you have no control over.   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxfXvKoRJ53hEQ8p1TTmAaw   Enjoy!

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dtoomey2015

I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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