Relationships

Relationships can and often are tricky things to navigate, especially if you are coming from a place of dysfunction.  You have no guide to follow because the example that was set for you is not a functional one.  It will not bring you happy outcomes.  So, a rule of thumb that I tell people to follow, when they ask, is as follows, ask yourself: is the person you are in relationship with: your best friend, confident, partner, shoulder to cry on, the first person you think of in the morning and the last one at night, do they make you smile when you are around them or think of them, do they build you up and support you no matter what, do they tell you what they think and not necessarily what you want to hear, do they speak their truth gentle and with respect, do they stand in judgement of you when you make a mistake or do they give you a hug and help you figure it out, are they spiritually on the same path, do they try to control you, do they become angry because you disagree with them, are they able to compromise, do they have empathy, do they have a sense of humor, are they attractive to you or have you settled for what you think you can get, do they meet your needs as a lover?

Singularly these things seem like they can be overcome if not present in a person.  That will only happen if the person is willing to give you what you need and not stay stuck with who they are at the time. You have no control over them, they will change to meet your needs if they want to change, not if you want them to change.  People can and will say a lot of things and then not back them up with action.  If you are honestly trying to be there for another person you will sometimes be meeting their needs and sometimes your needs take a priority.  If you are constantly giving with nothing coming in return, you will drain yourself and begin to resent the other person.  Relationships are a give and take with ups and downs.  You will both need a sense of humor to get through the downs.  If you love this person getting through the downs should not feel like a burden.  It should feel like something you are doing together.  The relationship should never feel like a burden because no matter what happens to you, you are carrying it together.  The other person is your “go to guy” no and matter what, will never leave you alone to carry it alone. This person will never leave you feeling empty because they will be there for you, they are your best friend.  If you have been looking for a long time for the love of your life, relax, they will come.  This will help you to relax while you’re waiting.     Click here for the relaxation and guided imagery video   Enjoy!

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dtoomey2015

I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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