Throw away people

Have you ever felt the need to walk on eggshells around certain people?  Have you ever thought you would not be their friend or loved one if you said or did the wrong thing?  But was never sure what that wrong thing might be.  Have you ever thought that some of the people in your life would stop being in your life if you made a wrong move?   Then you know what I mean when I say throw away people.  You are only as good as whatever their need makes you.  You are never able to be yourself around them for fear they will throw you away and never talk to you again.  If you are stressed out every time you see this person or think about having to see this person, ask yourself why you are doing it?  Is it worth the stress?  What am I getting out of this, other then anxiety?  Do I want or need to continue this stress? You are now faced with the decision of continuing to walk on eggshells around them and stress yourself out every time or not being around them at all or not as much.  You are the only one that can decide that.

If you say or do something that someone does not like or is insulted by, friends and loved ones, talk about it.  They do not jab insults back and forth.  They do not talk behind your back.  They do not throw you away.  They talk about and clarify what you meant by what you said.  The reason for that is usually, that what they heard is not what you meant.  They love you enough to give you the opportunity to explain what you meant.  They do not assume they know.

People who would be willing to throw you away because of what you’ve said or done, do not love you or even like you.  They are only interested in you for what they can get from you.  Most of that has to do with serving their agenda and  making them feel better.  It will never be a mutual exchange.  Friendships are a mutual exchange.  Love is a mutual exchange.  Sometimes it is about them and sometimes it is about you.  It is never an eggshell walking drama.  You are accepted for who and what you are no matter what you have said or done.  I have a friend who I have adopted as a sister and I have said things to her that I have said to no one else.  She doesn’t ever throw me away.  I feel safe to be myself with her because she does not judge me and she tells me what I need to hear.  Not necessarily what I want to hear!  She also is there for me no matter what, unconditionally.  I do not fear she will throw me away because of something I’ve said.  I can count on her clarifying it with me and not jump to conclusions on her own.  She is a stress free friend.

Making changes with this particular situation should be easy, because you are getting rid of stresses.  Nothing about changing relationships is ever easy.  You are getting rid of people or limiting contact with them.  That in and of itself is a stress.  Those people may want to know why if they are not totally self absorbed.  The decision will then be to be honest with them and maybe have an opportunity to deal with the situation or they will end it because you no longer serve their purpose.  The video below will help you with that stress.

Click on this video to help you relax and get rid of all of those things you have no control over with guided imagery.

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dtoomey2015

I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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