I have been a Therapist for 31 years. I was a Team Leader for a Partial Hospitalization program and then Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor for BHRS, which stands for Behavioral Health Rehabilitation Services for a little over half of that time. I have seen a lot of therapist good and bad. I have categorized them into two groups. Those that admit they come from dysfunction and those that think they are in it because they can fix whats wrong with you, because they weren’t. Be leery of the latter one. The first one is your best bet. This therapist knows where they come from and has also worked on themselves enough to think they have something to share with others. They know what they still need to work on and are actively doing so. They will exhibit compassion and patience with your process. You should be comfortable in their presence and you should never feel like they are judging you. They should be working hard to gain your trust. You should never be made to feel you are the only one that has this particular problem. They should be able to gain your trust easily because you do feel comfortable and not judged as being flawed. You should feel comfortable enough to take whatever advise they are giving you and trust them enough to do whatever it is. Both of you need to be working hard on your process. You should be able to be real with them and they should be able to call you on your stuff. If you are fearful of the change, they should be able to tell you what they think and help you to move from that fear. It will ultimately be your choice to either take that advise or not.
Now, having said all of that, it doesn’t let you off the hook for our own progress. If you’ve found someone you are comfortable with then it is up to you to work on yourself and follow their recommendations. If they know their stuff and you want to change whatever it is, they can help you through that process. Not do it for you. It is not a magic trick. We do not wiggle our noses and make it better for you. It is a lot of hard work! Everything worth having usually is. It will be worth it. It will be scary at times because every change is, it is the fear of the unknown. The potential that you will not like the end result. You can always change back or do something else. The video below will help you get rid of the things that are no longer working and relax while you are doing it.