Loving yourself

Learning to love oneself happens in childhood.  There are several things that will disrupt those feelings.  Parents who concentrate only on the physical appearance and not the character of the child,  teachers, principals and guidance counselors who allow bullying in their schools and do nothing to stop it and neighbors who watch children hurting each other and do not report it.  It takes a village to raise a child and it takes only one person ignoring what needs attention to make that child think they can get away with it and repeat that same thing.  Self loathing happens when a child has been taught they are not good enough, they do not meet the traditional standards of the home, school or the neighborhood.  They are not accepted for who and what they are, rather the adults are being negatively critical for who they are.  Trying to meet other people’s standards does not make them fully who they are.  Encouraging the positive things in a child will make them positive, productive and healthy adults.  They will learn to love themselves and therefore learn to love others.  Love is not negatively critical, does not bully, mock, make fun of or punish what is not like you, it loves unconditionally, no strings.  What you show them with your actions and with your words will mold them into the adults that they will become.  Words do hurt a child.  What you do also hurts. From the time a child is a baby they learn by watching the adults in their lives.  They learn how to walk, talk and be from those adults.  Be careful what you are teaching them with your actions and words.

If you are one of those adults that are negatively critical of the children in your life, whether they are yours or not, you can change that behavior by catching yourself doing it and stopping yourself.  You will have to be mindful of what you are doing and saying in order to catch yourself. You will have to stop yourself from doing the old behavior and replace it with a new behavior.  It will take 3 weeks to change the behavior and 3 more weeks to make the new behavior a habit.    Here is my relaxation video’s to help give away what ever comes up while you’re doing it.     Link to the video’s   Enjoy!

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dtoomey2015

I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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