Using violence of any kind, whether it is verbal or physical, is an indication that you have already lost the battle. Violence does not solve anything. It will get you more violence. People become violent when they feel they have no other choice or when they have been raised in violence and it has worked in their family to get what they want. If you are trying to solve or resolve a problem than violence is not the way to do it. If you are trying to get the upper hand and “win” then you will resort to anything to get what you want and “Win”. Resolving problems has nothing to do with winning. If you are in a relationship and are having an argument or discussion with your partner and you have resorted to violence to win, you should get out of the relationship, because you do not love this person. That is another blog. Resorting to violence means you have to be right and the other person has to do it your way or you will make them. Violence is not winning it is making the other person comply out of fear. You don’t win on a lot of levels. Making someone do something in order for you not to hurt them is bullying. You need to look at why you need to be right all of the time and why you need to win all of the time. It is impossible to do both all of the time. All of us lose once in a while and all of us are wrong some of the time. It should not be ego based whether we win or lose or are right or wrong. it should be a realistic expectation that we are both once in a while. Neither make us bad people, just fully human. Resorting to violence means we have not been taught the skill set that we need to resolve the problem any other way and become frustrated because we don’t have the skill set necessary to do so. Learning the skill set is not impossible no matter what age you happen to be. Finding other ways to resolve your problems will make you a happier, more content person. It is always easier when you accept yourself as a fallible human being like the rest of us. These video’s will help you to relax and get rid of what you need to give away so you can change your behavior. Link to the video’s. Enjoy!
I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist. View all posts by dtoomey2015