Saying No

Often times we will say yes to something that we really do not want to do or really do not have the time to do.  We say yes instead of no for a variety of reasons, mostly because we want to please the other person or don’t want to appear uncooperative.  This usually causes stress for the person who has said yes instead of no and also sets up a dynamic of now having to finish something you do not have time to do.  The other person will usually notice that it is not getting done in a timely manner and becomes irritated with you and calls you on it.  You are then stuck with having to explain why it is not done yet.  It would have been easier if you had just said “No, I’m sorry I do not have the time”.  Or ” I’m swamped right now, I’m sorry I can’t help you”.  The other person will usually understand even though they may continue to try to convince you to do it.  Once they understand your no means no, they will stop.  If they think you can be convinced to do it anyway, because you’ve done so in the past, they’ll stop bugging you when they realize you’ve changed and your no now means no.

Change again takes 3 weeks of constantly saying no to things you either cannot or do not want to do.  It takes another 3 weeks to make that behavior a habit.  Here is my relaxation video while you are working on changing this behavior.   Link to the video’s   Enjoy!

 

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dtoomey2015

I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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