Emotional Blackmail

Often times I have seen people hurt each other through withholding love in an attempt to get what they want.  Some men will withhold their presence in their wives lives until they get what they want. They stay away at work or with their friends until their wives or girlfriends comply with what they want.  Some women will withhold sex until they get what they want.  This is not love.  It is emotional blackmail and it has nothing to do with loving someone.  I understand that you need to stay away until the anger subsides.  But, then you talk about what happened, what angered you or hurt you.  You don’t hold out until you get your way.  I also understand that you do not want to make love to someone who you are angry with or hurt by.  So you take care of your anger in a mature manner and then you talk about what hurt or angered you.  You do not withhold anything from the person you love.  If you are, it is not love.  It is also not a healthy relationship.  We learn how to have healthy relationships from our parents.  If your parents did not have a healthy relationship then you have learned what you don’t want to do, if you want a relationship to last.  Emotional blackmail will send the other person running as far from you as they can get and you will repeat the pattern for the next generation.

Changing this happens the same way we change any behavior we do not want.  Making a conscious effort to catch ourselves doing it and stopping it.  You then replace it with a behavior that is healthier and will help your relationship, not hurt it.  Again it will take 3 weeks of practicing this and 3 more weeks to make it a habit.  These video’s will help you to relax and get rid of whatever behaviors you no longer want or are no longer working for you.  Link to the video’s   Enjoy!


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I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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