Is it love or is it just comfortable?

Everyone, whether they have come from dysfunction or not choose their mate based on what they know.  They choose a mate based on what they saw growing up, what is comfortable to them.  When we come from dysfunction we do not always have a very good way of picking our mate.  We often times choose people who manifest the same characteristics that of family of origin.  We have no guidelines for picking someone who will actually love us unconditionally.  We were never taught, neither were they.  We  were shown how to manipulate, control, coerce but not love.  So, we choose what we know because it is uncomfortable and it does not make us uneasy.  It is not good for us, does not make us happy but it is familiar and we migrate toward it because we know it, we know how to respond to it, we know what to expect from it.  We do this and we may not even know that we have until it is too late.  Until we are in a committed relationship, have children and have complicated our lives.

Learning to choose differently means that you have to look at all of those things that are causing pain in your life and replacing them with something new.  The new behavior may be uncomfortable at first, it will take 3 weeks to change the behaviors by constantly, consciously not doing the old behavior and replacing it with the new one.  The new one will them be comfortable.  It will take another 3 weeks of practicing that new behavior to make it a habit.  Something that you will do without thinking about ans not fall back on old behaviors during time of stress.  Changing behaviors is stressful, these videos will help you to relax while you are making changes.  Link to relaxation / guided imagery   Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

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Published by

dtoomey2015

I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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