Loving people part 2

I don’t think that it is a big surprise to most people that you make time for those things in your life that mean the most to you.  Whether those things are people or actual things.  We all have our preferences for both people and those things that are important to us.  We spend our time doing those things and being with those people that are important. Those things or people that are not important to us do not get our time.  They are rarely thought about.  If you are spending time not thinking about people who are important to you, then you should rethink their importance to you or you should be rethinking your schedule.  When people become the last thought you have, they know that.  They feel that.  If they love you, they will allow you to do that because it takes 2 people to make a relationship work.  If ony one of you are trying, the other has already let go and you can feel it in the distance between you.   People who care about you will not make you choose them.  They want you to choose them, but, they do not want it to be forced.  They want you to freely choose them.  They want time with you because you want time with them, not because you have forced it, manipulated or guilted them into it.  That’s not real, honest or loving.  That will breed resentment.  Our time is spent with those things and people we want to be with, we enjoy being with, we love.  If you are saying that you love someone then you want to spend what time you can with them.  If you are not spending time with them, they will get the message that you do not want to be with them.  That includes calling them, returning phone calls or texts, sending cards on birthday’s and holiday’s.  Whatever it takes to keep the realtionship.  If you don’t they will eventually stop calling and or sending cards to you.  It takes at least 2 to make it work.  After you reach a certain age it is up to you to keep your relationships going, it is no longer up to your parents or others to do it for you.  Your relationships are just that, your relationships.  If you have not seen your grandparents for a while it is because you don’t want to, not because you don’t have the time.  They’re not going to keep making the attempts to see you.  They will think that they already have and it is now your turn.

So, how do you get out of this habit?  Take a deep breath and step back from the pace you’re keeping.  What are your priorities?  Where is most of your time being spent?  If it is not your family, begin to make it your family.  That doesn’t mean you should not make time for yourself.  Life is a balance in all things.  Relax, the link below can help you do that.

Here is the link

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dtoomey2015

I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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