the “It girl”

There once was a girl who was called “It” by the children at her school.  All she really wanted was to be accepted and to make friends.  She never did.  Her home life was hectic because her family had moved to a rural area, far away from the friends she had known.  They had also brought a family who needed help and were living in their home until they could find a home of their own.  The girl began to not take care of herself, wet her bed, not take baths, not take care of her room, not take care of her hair.  Her mother attempted to find out why but often times only punished her because the girl was not talking about why she changed.  The change happened when the family they were helping moved into their home.  She tried to talk to her husband about this but the husband was not listening, they were his friends, not hers.  The family had 3 children, a girl and 2 boys.  They had bought a farm and were trying to work the farm, the family they were helping did not volunteer to help with chores, they benefitted from the farm taking eggs, milk and vegetables that were being grown on the farm but did not offer to help harvest anything.  It often times felt like they were not guests who should be grateful but owners of the property.  The husband acknowledged this fact but did nothing to change it.  The woman became frustrated with her husband and his lack of courage to change the situation, she was also frustrated with his lack of recognizing the change in their daughter.  They began to fight and argue with each other, making the situation worse than it already and become.  The womans suspicions were that something was going on between their daughter and the other families children.  She just didn’t know what it was and it was making things more frustrating and her husbands lack of wanting to deal with his friends became overwhelming.  Her daughter got worse the older she got.  She became defiant, promiscuous, provocative in her dress and ran away often.  The woman tried to find out what was going on with her child reading as much information as she could.  She came up with the fact that her child had been molested by someone.  She suspected the boys of her husbands friends or the husband of the family they were helping,  but she and no proof and her daughter was still not talking.

The family divorced, her daughter was 14 years old and her sons were 8 and 10 years old.   Her daughter ran away often and the husband was not keeping track of where their children were when they were with him.  He would hide himself in his computer and not concern himself with his children.  That was still her job, even when they were with him. The daughter disappeared for months at a time not telling anyone where she had been or what she had been doing.  The only thing that kept the woman from not going insane herself was prayer.  She was alone and so was her daughter, making very bad decisions for herself and her safety.

The daughter eventually found herself help and recovered from the emotional roller coaster she had been on for sometime.  She finally talked to her mother and the truth about what had been going on long ago was revealed.  She had been  molested by both of the sons of the family they were trying to help.   These sons were then telling the children at their school that she was the “It” girl.  She is an advocate for those children who have much the same symptoms she exhibited.  She has been through dialectical behavioral therapy and it helped to control her emotions.  Out of control emotions  are one of the  symptoms of molestation.

Being able to relax and talk about what has happened to you is a first step to recovering from sexual abuse, especially child sexual abuse.  Getting into trauma therapy is also a plus.  mindfulness in dialectical behavioral therapy will also help.  The link below will help you relax enough to take the first step to recovery.

Here is the link  Enjoy!

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dtoomey2015

I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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