The good kid

The last two blogs have been about a family that had three children.  The two older children had been molested by four of the husbands friends.  The third child was never molested because he stayed with his mother after the divorce and was not open to his fathers friends like the older two were.  He was doing well in school and continued to do so until his older sibling began to get into trouble taking their mothers attention away anf having it concentrated on the older two and not more evenly divided.  He very soon realized that the only way to get attention in these circumstances was to get into trouble.  So he stopped doing well in school, began acting out and became defiant and oppositional.  His mother still knew where he was, didn’t always like it, but knew where he was and she began to choose which arguments she would get into with him and which were better left alone.  He would spend long hours away from home and would argue, yell and mouth off at her when she would go to get him and bring him home.  He was placed in a special program in school for defiant youth.  The mother knew she was not giving him enough attention, but was usually preoccupied with her older two children, who were also getting into trouble.  The father was doing nothing to help, even though they were getting into rouble on his watch and while they were with him.  The father was busy with his new girl friend and her children.  The girlfriends children went to the same school and were a constant reminder that her children were no longer cared about by their father.  Her youngest son gave up trying to get attention from him after a science project that his father helped his girlfriends child with and not him.  The mother decided to move away after years of dealing with this scenario and asked her youngest if he wanted to move with her.  He agreed and began a new life in another state.

The youngest son had dropped out of school but  became successful in business and no longer was getting himself into trouble.  The mother resigned herself to the fact that she would continue to find out all she could about children who had been molested and childhood trauma.  Her heart still breaks for her two older children, especially her older son who is still so very affected by his trauma.  He is running away from it by drinking himself  into a stupor everyday.   She has also healed herself of the trauma of experiencing her children hurting and her husband doing nothing to protect their family except blame her for everything that was happening.  She is taking one day at a time and using relaxation exercises to help her get through the difficult moments in life that come her way.  Below is a link that will help you get through the difficult moments in your life.

Here is the link  Enjoy!

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dtoomey2015

I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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