The man who lived in oblivion

There once was a man who had a wife and three children.  He went about his life not realizing that he attracted people in his life that would hurt his family.  He was raised by a mother who was drunk most of the day and a father who was physically not present, often times gone for months at a time.  He and his older brother raised themselves.  They often fought and looked to people outside the family for what they needed.  They didn’t realize that these people were giving out of the goodness of their hearts but, did not want to continue doing so.  They were relieved when the boys found someone else to meet their needs or moved away.  This continued throughout this mans life, depending on his wife to meet his needs and not being able to see that the marriage was supposed to be mutually acceptable to both people, not one-sided.  His wife became tired of carrying all of the weight of the marriage and complained to him about it.  He did not understand what she was talking about because that was not the example that was set or he knew when he was a child.  They moved away from the negative influences that the wife thought were causing his attention to be pulled away from his family.  He wanted to bring one of the negative influences with him and the wife agreed.  This man had 2 sons who molested their daughter while living under their roof.  They eventually divorced and when the children would visit him he would allow them to run all over the place without supervision.  3 of his friends molested their oldest son without his realizing that it was happening.  His wife noticed changes in the behavior of her children but did not realize what it was.  He blamed her and her attitude towards him on everything.  He also had girlfriends who would reinforce his attitude towards her and her children.  Blaming her for everything.  His oblivion continued while the wife was trying to find out what was going on with her children.  She would read, take classes and try to find out what was going on.  She finally figured out that 2 out of 3 of her children had been molested.  She also figured out that her husband had the same symptoms.  She attempted to tell him what she thought about everything but he would not listen, still blaming her for all that was going on with her children.  He remained in oblivion, not wanting to deal with what was so obvious to anyone that knew anything about child molestation.  He continues to be oblivious to this day and watches his children struggle, still blaming others for what he brought on by his oblivion and lack of watching who was in his children’s lives.  His wife gets through each day with forgiveness, relaxation and the hope that her children will heal themselves with the help of God.  She prays that God will send people in their lives who will guide them to healing.  She has had to step away from her children at times because the misery that they go through is too much to watch.  She stands tall against the accusations, knowing that the truth will eventually come out. She prays that her husband will get the help he needs.  She prays that her children will do the same.  She gives what she has no control over to God, who  is in charge.  The link below helps to let go of what we have no control over and to give it away to someone who does.

Here is the link   Enjoy!

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dtoomey2015

I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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