Saying what you mean

Not everyone says what they mean.  In an attempt to be kind, not insulting or non-argumentative some of us will not say what we really mean.  We will skirt the issue and the other person will not understand what we are trying to tell them.  They may also feel like something was not said, that needed to be said.  They will feel that the truth was not said.  They will feel that you are not being honest.

The other side of this issue is telling the truth no matte what.  Being direct is not an easy thing to do.  No matter whether you are a man or woman or how tactful you try to be.  People will think that you are sometimes rude, unkind, insensitive or argumentative.  People are not used to others being direct and to the point.  They prefer the indirect approach even though, if asked, they would rather being told straight forward.

Either way how you say what you mean is important.  If you are trying to be kind, tactful and direct without hurting others, you are doing your best.  The rest is up to the person who is interpreting what you are saying.  That will always depend on how and what they have experienced in their life.  All of us bring with us our past and the lessons we have learned there.  Some of them have been happy and some of them have left us with bad experiences that we carry around with us.  Letting go is important unless we enjoy the misery that comes from hanging on to our angry past.  This too can be changed.  It will take 3 weeks of continually catching the old habits and replacing them with new ones.  It will also take another 3 weeks of practicing the new behavior to make it a habit.  The following link will help you to let go of what you have no control over so you can change the old and replace it with the new.

Here is the link Enjoy!


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I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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