I have noticed that people who have what they need are not always grateful for what they have been given. They often look at what they have as things they have earned just by being them. Or they have worked hard for everything that they have. The truth is that sometimes they have worked hard for what they have been given. Or they have been born into it, but, it can also easily be taken away. In the blink of an eye people have lost everything and been left with nothing. Being grateful for what you have lends to the fact that there is someone greater than yourself who has helped you attain what you have. You have not done it all by yourself. People who have little are usually grateful for everything they have because they realize how fast they can lose it. Gratitude is a healthy way to recognize that what you have is a gift, not a privilege. It is not something that everyone has and is something for which you should be thanking your God. Gratitude requires you being humble enough to acknowledge that there is someone greater than yourself who knows you exist and who you will return to when you leave this plain. Even if you don’t agree that there is anyone greater than yourself, you can still be grateful for what you have. It can be humbling, but, will eventually allow you to understand how quickly it can be gone. How quickly you can lose it. Being humble will mean letting of some hubris. Hubris is the downfall of a lot of things. Letting it go is a good thing. The following video will help you to do just that.
Giving to others seems like an easy thing to be able to do. It is not for everyone. Some of us believe that if we give to someone we should be getting something back. That is not always the case, nor should it be expected. If you are giving to someone it should be because you want to give whatever it is to them, not because you expect something in return. Giving for that reason in selfish. Giving because you want to give whatever it is with no expectation of getting anything back is the only kind of giving that actually is giving. If you are resenting the fact that you gave something to someone and they didn’t give anything in return you need to stop giving things away. The only reason for giving is because you want to give. If you don’t, then keep whatever it is and you won’t have to resent the fact that you thought you were generous to someone and they weren’t. You weren’t being generous anyway. You were being selfish and the resentment proves the point. People who give for the sake of giving do get something in return, but, not from the person to whom they gave something. They get a feeling of satisfaction, happiness and joy from the giving itself. True givers, give anonymously, the person they give to never knows it was them. The feeling they get from the fact that they helped someone is enough . Getting something in return never occurs to them. Letting go of the need to be acknowledged or recognized for what we have done is the first step to being able to quietly give and be generous to others without expectation. Opening our hearts to the joy that is received from giving is the next step. Getting rid of all of those things that have stopped us from being generous without expectation is also important. The following link will help you to do just that.
I have written a lot about being placed in the middle. That is because it has been done to me as well as witnessing it in others. It destroys families. It makes the person placed in the middle have to choose between people they have loved all of their lives and people they have chosen to love. It usually happens with in-laws or family of origin and the person that you have chosen to love and make a family. The people who are placing you in the middle are either not able to communicate appropriately or they lack confidence in what they are saying and themselves as well. If someone is displeased with what is going on around them they should be able to say that to the person involved with their displeasure. They shouldn’t need to talk to another person in order to transmit that message. That is part of being grown up and adult. Learning how to communicate in a way that others will listen to you is an art and if not learned can and will have people turning your words off as they come out of your mouth. If you are sounding angry or condescending they will not listen to what you are saying, they will only listen to the anger, resentment and condescension, not your words. Using tact with your communication, treating people like people with feelings and an intellect will allow you to understand and communicate with them so they are actually taking you seriously. If you are speaking to someone in a manner that you would not want to be spoken to, you should change the way you are speaking. You can even practice what you are going to say before you say it. You can also get rid of any anger or resentment that you are feeling before you begin the conversation. People will listen to you, no matter what you’re saying, if you say it with tact and calm. It is not what you’re saying , it’s how you’re saying it that will turn people off. The person placed in the middle of this is being hurt badly. Having to choose between people you love because they are fighting with each other is horrendous. It is an insane place to be and never acceptable to the person who is placed there. The person placed in the middle will begin to resent being placed there and will usually walk away from the person placing them there. The worst thing of all is that it can be easily resolved with a conversation between adults. It never has to get to the point that people are no longer speaking to each other or seeing each other. Learning how to talk to others about things that are important to you is not that difficult. You will have to get rid of the condescension and build your self-confidence, practice what you want to say before you say it and treat people how you want to be treated no matter how they are treating you. The following link will help you to do that.
Being still in this fast paced world is nearly impossible at times. But, being still, quieting your mind, is exactly what needs to be done. Engaging in some inner searching and reconnecting is what most of us need to do in order to make sense of everything else that is going on around us. Doing the amount of stuff that we put in our day is crazy making and not at all what our bodies or minds can keep up with on a daily basis. We are becoming exhausted and not all of it is physical. Being mentally exhausted can make us physically exhausted. Reconnecting with ourselves is important for many reasons. Giving ourselves a mental break is most important. Being able to connect with our families on a real basis is another. If you are feeling overwhelmed by the amount of things on your plate, that is a signal that you need to reconnect with yourself. Take the time before those things crush you and you are overrun by them. Most of us are up and running as soon as our feet hit the floor in the morning and we don’t stop until we lay our heads down to sleep at night. Everything in between can be a blur. Teaching your children to stop and take time for themselves is a valuable tool that we have lost some how in this society. We have become self focused, but not in a good way. Meditation is a good way to reconnect with yourself. Taking that time for yourself each day is a good way to quiet your mind and be still. It doesn’t have to be a long time. Just a few minutes in the morning to reconnect with you is a good way to be kinder, gentler more generous to others and to yourself. It will also help you to allow yourself to understand where you’re going instead of mindlessly moving in a direction you may not want to go, but are because you have not taken the time to know what direction you are going. Letting go of those things that have kept you from connecting with yourself is also a good way to prioritize your day before it starts. The following link will help you to do that.
Whenever we begin to compare ourselves to anything or anyone we have already defeated ourselves. The act of comparing ourselves means that we might be thinking that we are not okay or enough by ourselves. We are. None of us is perfect, all of us need work and change. Different kinds of changing, but changing nonetheless. The fact that we are comparing ourselves to anyone or anything should be telling us that we think we might be less then another or better then another. Someone has to lose in that scenario. Comparing yourself to who or what you were yesterday in an attempt to set goals for yourself to be better then yesterday is something to achieve. Comparing yourself to others is ego based and you will lose, often times feeling bad about yourself for no real reason. You will never be like another human being. You are unique by yourself and should be focusing your efforts on being a better you instead of being a better someone else. You are also wasting your time trying to be something you’re not, You both may be good at something but one of you will always be better then the other. You are also missing the other things you are capable of doing well. The things that make you unique. The reason you are here. Comparing yourself to others is another lack of confidence. It is another way of telling yourself you are not good enough the way you are. It is something that parents use sometimes to keep their children in line. It also destroys confidence in your ability to be you in all your uniqueness. Learning from what life gives us is a way of building confidence in our own abilities and strengths. We will never be able to live someone else’s life. We will never be able to live our own if we are trying to live someone else’s life. Comparing yourself to others and trying to out manivour them at their own lives is a waste of ours. We will never be able to do that. They will always win at their own lives and we will lose at ours. Being satisfied with who and what we are, attempting to make ourselves better is the only way we will win at our own lives. It is the only way we will ever be content and happy with ourselves. Giving away what is no longer working for us is the only way we will be able to learn about ourselves and what we need to do to make us better people. The following link will help you to do that.
I have written a blog about being in the middle before. It is called “Monkey in the middle”. I think it happens in a lot of families. Families that are supposed to love each other and want what is best for each other. The truth is that if you really wanted what was best for each other, you wouldn’t be putting one of your members in the middle. Trying to make them choose you or another person in their family. You would be able to work it out with that person, not make someone else choose. You would also be able to accept that person for who and what they are, bumps and all. That again comes down to self-confidence. Confidence in your own judgment, voice, thoughts or feelings. If you can stand alone in your beliefs you don’t need anyone else to back you up. You are on solid ground and able to stand firm in what you believe. We don’t all have to agree. That is part of what makes us unique. We all have to love each other even when we disagree. Not the superficial kind of love that changes with the wind direction, but the kind that will last even during a hurricane. Placing someone in the middle, making them choose between someone they love and someone they love , tells me more about the person doing that, then it does about the person making the choice or the person who you are trying to alienate or comply with that choice. None of that has anything to do with loving or caring. It has to do with a lack of confidence in yourself and your own inability to stand in and with your beliefs. It also has to do with not being able to say that you might be wrong, that you might have to reconsider your belief structure. There is nothing wrong with that either. We all make mistakes, change our minds based upon new information. It is when we stubbornly stand in something that is obviously not good for us or anyone that we begin to slip down that slippery slop of deception about ourselves and others. Owning that our confidence level may need some work is a positive move in the right direction. Finding someone to support us through this is also a good idea. Letting go of what is no longer working for us is also a good idea. The following link will help you to do that.
Fear is not a bad thing. It tells us that there is something that can potentially hurt us. It tells us to be careful about what we are about to do. It tells us to look carefully, research what we are about to engage in, before we do. It is not meant to stop us unless there is a reason for us to do that. Most of us have a fear of the unknown, a fear of what we have never experienced. That is a healthy fear. It should not stop us however, from trying new things. It should not be so overwhelming that we cannot move. That we stop living our lives or trying new things because of the fear. If you believe in God, you know that fear that stops us is not from Him. Fear by itself is an emotion, like all of the other emotions it tells us that something is happening in our environment. Something that we should be paying attention to and look at closely. It can be something enjoyable or something that will hurt us if we continue. No emotion is meant to stop us, only to make us pay attention to what is happening to us and then to act accordingly depending upon what we have seen. When fear stops us it usually has something to do with what we were taught as children about taking risks. How our parents handled their risks or how they didn’t. It can also have something to do with how we were taught to make decisions and how supported we were while making those decisions, what to do when our choices did not work out well. If we were not taught how to handle those defeats, we will become fearful of our own choices. Mistakes are pretty common for all of us humans. Learning to roll with the punches should be a part of growing up and learning from the mistakes we make. Not being defeated by them. learning how to make decisions, building confidence in those decisions and allowing yourself to make mistakes without ridicule or being made to feel bad about yourself will help. Giving away those things and emotions that are self-defeating will also help. Changing behavior takes 3 weeks of constantly catching yourself doing the behavior that you want to change and replacing it with the new behavior. It takes another 3 weeks of practicing that new behavior to make that behavior a habit. Letting go of old behaviors is not easy especially when you have been doing them for a long time. The following link will help to let go of what is no longer working for you.