I have written a blog about being in the middle before. It is called “Monkey in the middle”. I think it happens in a lot of families. Families that are supposed to love each other and want what is best for each other. The truth is that if you really wanted what was best for each other, you wouldn’t be putting one of your members in the middle. Trying to make them choose you or another person in their family. You would be able to work it out with that person, not make someone else choose. You would also be able to accept that person for who and what they are, bumps and all. That again comes down to self-confidence. Confidence in your own judgment, voice, thoughts or feelings. If you can stand alone in your beliefs you don’t need anyone else to back you up. You are on solid ground and able to stand firm in what you believe. We don’t all have to agree. That is part of what makes us unique. We all have to love each other even when we disagree. Not the superficial kind of love that changes with the wind direction, but the kind that will last even during a hurricane. Placing someone in the middle, making them choose between someone they love and someone they love , tells me more about the person doing that, then it does about the person making the choice or the person who you are trying to alienate or comply with that choice. None of that has anything to do with loving or caring. It has to do with a lack of confidence in yourself and your own inability to stand in and with your beliefs. It also has to do with not being able to say that you might be wrong, that you might have to reconsider your belief structure. There is nothing wrong with that either. We all make mistakes, change our minds based upon new information. It is when we stubbornly stand in something that is obviously not good for us or anyone that we begin to slip down that slippery slop of deception about ourselves and others. Owning that our confidence level may need some work is a positive move in the right direction. Finding someone to support us through this is also a good idea. Letting go of what is no longer working for us is also a good idea. The following link will help you to do that.
I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist. View all posts by dtoomey2015