There are several reasons why people cannot be alone with themselves. Why there is always something going on in the background. The television, radio or computer is constantly on when you are alone. One is that you don’t like you very much. Another is because when you are alone memories come up for you that you would rather forget. Being alone in nothing but quiet is healthy for you and your soul. It allows you to rejuvenate yourself and get in touch with you again. We live in a very fast paced world and alone time is rare. Being alone allow us to catch up with ourselves. It allows us to realize whether or not we are still okay with where we are and how we’re doing. If you have experienced trauma at some point in your life, being alone is the perfect time for your brain to say, “let’s deal with this so we can file it away for good”. If you are not emotionally ready to do this, you will give your brain something else to do with this time. You will fill the void with white noise and activity. You will find something else for your brain to do so you don’t have to think about the trauma. It is a very human thing to do. It is also blocking dealing with and healing the trauma. If you want the surface symptoms of trauma to go away, if you want to stop your brain from constantly bringing it up, you will have to deal with it. Your brain will continue to bring up surface symptoms until it can file it away as a memory. That is part of your brains job. It files away memories, good ones, bad ones, sad ones, that’s its job. It will continue to try to do that until it can. you cannot control that. Our brains control us. They wake us up, allow us to fall asleep and dream, they tell us when we’re hungry, thirsty. They will even shut us down in cases of emergency. They also protect us from really bad things that have happened to us by blocking the entire memory. You will have to let go of the fear and the need to try to control what you have no control over. The following link will help you to do that. You can then find the help you need to deal with the trauma you have experienced with the help of a Trauma Therapist.
Trauma Therapy works by normalizing the emotions attached to the memories. I will give you a few examples. We all know people who like to watch horror movies, or maybe we are people who like to watch horror movies. Or someone who likes to watch action movies, the bloodier the better. Your very first horror movie or action movie was probable watched with someone you knew, someone who introduced you to these kinds of movies. You were probable covering your eyes or looking away at the more horrific or bloody scenes . Or take someone who enjoys taking risks, the very first zip line they ever went down was the most exciting, thrilling thing that had ever happened to them. If we move forward in time a year, two or five the same people are now watching their first horror film or action movies again, this time they are critiquing the same scenes that they originally looked away from, covered their eyes. They may be even laughing at the movie, telling you how the scene was made, or maybe even laughing at themselves because they remember thinking it was really horrible. Or the person who went down the zip line and now brought their family to this zip line, wanting them to experience the same excitement and thrill. They are enjoying themselves because they are with their family and their family thinks it is exciting, but, they are not experiencing the same thrill they originally did. The reason for that is because they have normalized the feelings attached to the memory. They have seen more horrific, bloodier movies. They have done more exciting things since their original experience. Trauma Therapy works on this same premise. Trauma Therapists have a variety of things that use to help the person normalize the trauma experience. The very first thing that they should be doing is to help the person feel calm and grounded. This can be done by teaching the person breathing and grounding exercises they can learn so they will be able to do them at home for themselves. You should be learning these exercises during the first session and by the end of the second session you should be thinking that this will work, that you will be able to talk with this person. If not, find yourself someone who you will be able to talk to about things you have never talked to anyone. Someone who will teach you how to help yourself. Choose a trauma therapist because as well-intentioned as most therapist are, they can re-traumatize you if they don’t know about how trauma works. You will have to let go of the fear and the anger/rage, you will also have to be ready. The following link will help you to calm yourself and to get rid of those things that no longer help you.
I have often used the analogy of walking into the woods. It goes like this: if you walk 10 miles into the woods, you have to walk 10 miles back out of the wood and now you’re tired, maybe thirsty and hungry too. I use this analogy when the people I work with do not think they are improving quick enough. When they are not willing to give themselves or their therapist a break. When they are looking for some magic trick to make them better sooner. There is no magic about working on trauma or any other kind of therapy. There is no magic trick for most things. Just hard work, emotional work, gut wrenching work and a need to do whatever it takes to make it work. Nothing good or worth anything is easy. Therapy is difficult stuff and trauma therapy is the worst kind of difficult. It will make you face things you want to forget, it will be one of the most rewarding things you will ever do for yourself. Facing yourself and the things that have happened to you, the things that have helped to make you, you is difficult and rewarding. You will have to let go of the fear, the anger/rage, the guilt/remorse. the resentment and all of the other feelings that come with trauma before you will be able to deal with the actual trauma itself. A trauma therapist will help you to do breathing and grounding exercises to help you stay calm throughout the healing process. These exercise will also help you to feel more in control of the situations you find yourself. The following link will help you to let go of what you no longer have control over and relax enough to accept help and be patient with yourself.
Emotional triggers are things that happen when we least expect it. They are things that will happen to you and you will suddenly find yourself in tears, angry, rageful or sad and not necessarily know why you are feeling what you are feeling. It is always less about what just happened and always about what memory was triggered within you. These triggers are about trauma memories. They are things that happened to you while you were going throughthe trauma.you may not have been conciously aware of, but your brain was picking up on unconsciously,it is now trying to put the memory into one nc, neat memory that you will have control over retrieving whenever you want. It can’t do that if you are trying to forget it happened or if you have no conscious memory of it happening at all. Your brain will continue to try to store the memory in its memory files by bringing it up over and over again until that happens. It does that with memory triggers. Flashbacks nightmares or night terrors. Emotions will be triggered as well. Often times the more this happens the more we try to suppress the memory or the nightmare. Letting go of the fear is a big part of allowing your brain to process this event(s) in your life. If you have experienced trauma and are having these symptoms you should find a trauma therapist that you feel comfortable with and will be able to talk to about what happened to you. Letting go of the fear if just the first step in this process. The following link will help you to do just that. You should then find a trauma therapist to help you finish the process.
Reality is a word that we use to describe what we feel most people think, feel, know or believe to be true. It is something that we feel everyone should think, know and believe. Not everyone does though. Each of us have a set of beliefs, knowledge and feelings that are not always the same. We develop them based upon what we were taught as children, what we have grown up knowing, what we have come to know as adults. Our belief system is based upon our experiences in the world, that comes from what we have learned from the world and our feelings about our world come from that. Not everyone has the same experiences and therefore we should not expect everyone to have the same reality. Being different does not make us wrong, it just makes us different. Having a different reality about our world only means that we have had different experiences throughout our life. Celebrating our differences, whether it is reality or anything else, should be what we are doing with our family and friends. Letting go of the need to make everyone like us, the same, is not easy, if that is how you were raised. But living with sameness is not easy either, it becomes boring after a while. The following link will help you to let go of those things that are stopping you from accepting people for who and what they are without judgment.
If you come from dysfunction, have experienced trauma or are in a high stress job it is hard to be grounded. Your emotions are in high gear. You are watchful, constantly feeling like you are on the edge of something about to happen. Being in a constant state of readiness is hard on you emotionally, mentally and physically. You cannot keep that pace up for too long before it will affect you and your relationships with the people you love. There are exercises in grounding yourself that are part of the mindfulness exercises that will help you to stay present. That will help you to calm yourself. Grounding yourself is simple a matter of being present in the moment you are in now. You will not be able to be on your cell phone talking or texting, playing games or making plans. You will have to do the exercises without any props. It is about breathing and being present in the moment. The more oxygen your brain has the calmer you are. When you first start these exercises you will be light-headed. The reason for that is because most of us are not used to breathing enough or correctly so our brains have enough oxygen. If you practice these exercises daily you will become used to having enough oxygen and you will no longer get light-headed. If you have a high stress job, have experienced trauma or come from dysfunction this will help you to gain control of your emotions and the memories that you are trying to suppress. It will give you enough oxygen to be able to handle the stress better and keep you calm during stressful moments. You will also have to let go of whatever you are holding on to that is no longer working for you. The following link will help you to do that.
Enmeshed and disengaged are terms used to describe families that come from dysfunctional families. If you grew up in a family that had some kind of dysfunction whether it is addiction or anything else you were left with learning from the way you were raised or totally throwing out what you learned. Either way you disengaged from your family or enmeshed yourself in the dysfunction. If you disengaged from the dysfunction, you also disengaged from your family. You rarely if ever see them, you do not want your children being raised the way you were. If you enmeshed yourself in your family you will defend them to the death even when they are doing something dysfunctional or wrong, You allow it to continue saying nothing about why you feel it is wrong. You overlook a lot of things that may bother you but you will not say anything to stop the behavior. This will occur even though you know it is wrong and it may be happening to your children or effecting your children. Either way you pass on the dysfunction to the next generation. Your children will learn from how you treat your family. If you don’t talk to them, have totally disowned them, they learn from that. If you are talking to your family they will learn from that also. If you are allowing things to happen that they know are wrong, they learn that also. If you are doing one thing with your family and another thing with them, they will learn from that. If you are talking to them about your family and why things are the way they are, they will learn from that also. If you are utilizing tough love with your lessons, they will learn that every action or inaction has a consequence. Those are always the best lessons. If you grew up in dysfunction, you will have a lot to let go of and give away. The following link will help you to begin your journey,