The art of finger pointing

Finger pointing is an art that seems to be growing in this country.  As a therapist I see people often that are always ready to blame someone else for their problems or the situation they find themselves in at the present time.  Finger pointing has always been alive and well in this country, if you were raised in dysfunction it is part of your childhood and one of your coping strategies.  There was at least one of your siblings that was blamed for everything that went wrong within your family.  Maybe it was you.  Blaming others for what is happening in your life at this point is just that, a coping strategy, a habit that you learned in your childhood.  As an adult it is no longer working unless your sociopathic.  Taking responsibility for whatever your life happens to be at this moment is the only way you are going to be able to learn from the mistakes you’re making and move on from them.  It is never easy to change a behavior and this one is more difficult then most.  If you are used to reflecting blame, the impulse to continue to do so is great.  Catching yourself doing it will take not only recognizing that you’re doing it but, being courageous enough to acknowledge that it is your mistake.  It will require your being responsible for your own actions or in-actions and the consequences for them.  Suffering whatever fallout that will come from whatever was done.  Owning your mistakes will grow your character and make you feel better about yourself, it will help you to not repeat patterns and mistakes in your life.  Letting go of the fear that comes from taking responsibility for what you do or don’t do is a response from childhood.  The fear is from childhood and watching what happened within your home to the person that did take responsibility for everyone.  It is okay to let it go now, it is no longer useful and is probable getting you into trouble with the people you want to trust you.  They won’t as long as you’re not being truthful about what you’re doing.  The following link will help to relax you and let go of those things from your childhood that are no longer working for you.

Here is the link. Enjoy!

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dtoomey2015

I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist.

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