Being present in your life is not just about showing up. It is about listening with your entire self. That means putting down your phone, not engaging in another activity. Engaging your entire self in listening to what the other person is saying, doing and thinking. You cannot do that if you’re doing something else at the time. Your brain is capable of doing many things at once, but, none of them get done well. Your brain needs to focus on one thing at a time in order for it to do that thing well and to completion. If you are multi-tasking you are not doing anything well. You are doing those things but, not well, not completely. You will be missing something. You should not be doing that if you are talking to someone you love and care about. They will know that they don’t have your full attention and will not rely upon you to listen to what they have to say. Being fully present means that you are listening with you entire self. You are devoting yourself to this person at the present time, you are listening and reflecting back to them what they just told you. You are not adding your opinion, you are not telling them why you think they are wrong, you are just listening and repeating back to them what they just told you. If you are not doing that with your friend, they will probable never try to tell you anything again. When people look for someone to talk to, they are doing it because they need someone to listen. If you’re not listening, they are wasting their breath and will not try to talk to you again because of that. People who need to talk with someone are looking for someone to listen. Being truly present for that person is a gift to that person, if you love them you will give it. If you cannot give it, chance are that you are not truly present with anything in your life, you are avoiding your life for whatever the reason. Keeping yourself busy, not being truly present, means that you are running away from something that you don’t want to face. Being present to someone is also being present to yourself. Knowing who and what you are in relationship to others. Letting go of those things that are keeping you from being truly present to the people in your life who matter to you. The following link will help you to do that.
I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist. View all posts by dtoomey2015