People who have a need to control their environment and everything in it have come from a place where everything has been out of control. There was a point in their life where everything was out of control and bad things happened to them. It was usually a point in their life when they were not making the decisions about their life, like childhood or a relationship that was controlling and you allowed someone else or someone else forced you into making decisions for you. Things became so difficult that you thought you were losing your mind. You were made to think that it was you that was crazy and irresponsible. You may have even been blamed for the things that ultimately happened. You became controlling because you never wanted that to happen to you again. Your need to control everything came from a place of fear that it would happen again. In order for those things to not happen again, you needed to control everyone and everything around you. It is an exhausting job. It takes a lot of energy to do that. Not everyone cooperates and not everything goes your way. It is often times frustrating because not everyone appreciates the fact that you want to control everything and everyone, especially them and their environment. You may even begin to lose control of some people who are frustrated at your attempts to control them. All of the energy that is being put into controlling the people and things around you could be better put to use, controlling yourself. No one is trying to control you anymore and you could be putting that energy into something productive for yourself. You could be focusing on yourself and leave other people to control themselves. Things usually work out better that way. You could find yourself more productive if you became focused on your own goals and left others to themselves unless they asked for your help. Letting go of the need to control also involves letting go of the fear that brought you to the need to control. Talking to that child within and comforting them, allowing them to realize that they are an adult now and will be able to deal with whatever comes up. Letting go of the fear will also help you to let go of the need to control. You should also find a Therapist who you are comfortable with and talk about the fear and your need to control and why. The following link will help you to do just that.
I became a therapist in an attempt to understand my own childhood and what happened there and how it made me who I am, exhibiting the behaviors that were not always positive, very often self-destructive. I used Art Therapy to help me understand things in my past that were stopping me from making better decisions in my present day. I used Behavioral Science to help me understand underlying causal factors, roots to the present day behaviors that I was seeing in myself. Both help me to change those behaviors/thoughts that were causing me to make self-destructive decisions that were causing pain in life. I have been a therapist since 1985 and have an undergraduate degree Art and behavioral science (double major) from the University of Maine. My graduate work was done at Marywood university and I have a degree in Art Therapy. I have certificates in Forensic Interviewing and Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior therapy. I have 22 out of 30 credits toward a degree in Trauma Therapy from Drexel University. I started out as a Community Support Worker, Program Manager/Clinical Supervisor, Family therapist and Outpatient therapist. View all posts by dtoomey2015