When you are kind, it takes no more effort then it takes to be mean. Some people will mis-perceive your kindness for weakness and try to take advantage of you and your kindness. That is their problem and does not ever have to become your problem. It should also not stop you from being kind to others, including those who would try to manipulate that kindness. Most people appreciate your kindness and will pay it forward, being kind to the next person that they meet. Being kind without expectation of getting anything in return is the best sort of kindness. If you only give with the expectation of getting something back, you will be sorely disappointed. Do not give anything if that is the only reason you are giving. Give everything, including kindness, only because you want to give it. Otherwise it is a selfish act and not kindness. What you put out there will return to you eventually. You have to be patient though. If more people were kind to each other for no particular reason and without looking for something in return, the world would be a better place to live. It is unfortunate that it is not. Being kind and then experiencing someone trying to take advantage of that kindness is disheartening and attempts to make you rethink being kind. Rethinking it is not a bad idea. Make sure you are not being co-dependent, but don’t stop being kind. Do not take on what is not yours to take on. Other people trying to take advantage of your kindness is not your problem, it is that persons. Do not take it on, give it away. The following link will help you do that.
Have you every talked with someone or interacted with someone and walked away from the encounter feeling emotionally, mentally and physically drained? Chances are you have just encountered a person with borderline personality disorder. If you are related to this person it is difficult to not be around them and have your strength and energy zapped on a regular basis. Dealing with them in small doses helps. Removing yourself emotionally also helps. Not allowing yourself to get caught up in their daily drama, emotionally helps. Drama comes with the disorder and it often times involves those people in their lives that allow themselves to be caught up in it. Removing yourself from the drama is not necessarily about removing yourself from the person, it is more about removing yourself emotionally from the drama in their lives. It is about putting whatever the problem is today on them, not allow them to give it to you or involve you in it. It is giving it back to them each time they try to give it to you. Making them responsible for their own problems and empowering them to solve their own issues. They are also manipulative and often times will get you involved before you realize that you are. Being honest about not wanting to or being willing to get involved with whatever the issues is today is the best way to handle a borderline personality disorder. They will, however use your honesty against you by trying to manipulate you with it. Making them mindful of their present moment feelings and aware of what they can do about the problem now will also help. Being mindful of the moment they are in will being them to what can or cannot be done about their problems. You will need to, daily, give away what is not yours to carry. Helping someone does not involve doing it for them, it involves making suggestions on how they can handle it for themselves. The following link will help you give away what is not yours to carry.
Trust is a fragile thing. It can be easily broken and once broken it is not easy to get back. We have no control over others actions or inactions, words or behavior. We only have control over our response to what has happened. If we love the person who has broken our trust it will be a while before we will be able to trust them again. That will depend upon the severity of the breach of trust. That does not mean that we stop loving them. It should also not mean that we stop working on trying to regain the trust we once had. The relationship may never be the same because of the breach of trust, but, it can still be a good, loving relationship, if both people are working on regaining the trust that was lost. Walking away from the relationship or giving up on it does not have to be the case, unless it is a repeated offense that does not seem to be changing for the better. Regaining trust will mean that you will have to give away what you have no control over. Those things that the other person did that caused the trust to be broken. You had no control over them and could do nothing to stop them or it from happening. Giving them away is your only option if you want to move on. Holding on to them keeps you and them stuck with the lack of trust. Letting it go allows you and them to move on to a more positive place and regain the trust that was lost. The link below will help you to let go of those things you have no control over.
When problems come up for us in our lives we often times think that they are too much to bear and feel broken. As we walk through the problems we may feel that it is too much to carry and wonder why we were picked to carry this weight. We feel the pain, anxiety, anguish, anger and fear that comes with the burden that we feel we are carrying. We are also feeling broken and think we will never recover from this heaviness that is upon us. The heaviness is because we are carrying too much by ourselves. We are not inviting God into the picture to help us carry the burden with us. Most of the time, the burden that we are carrying, we can do nothing about. If there was something we could do, we would do it and remove the weight that we feel. We can still get rid of the weight that we feel, we can give it to God and have Him help us carry it. It sounds simple, doesn’t it? It’s not easy to give away things that we feel is our responsibility. If we have a need to control things, it becomes much more difficult. It then become a trust issue with God. Do I trust God to help me with this problem and will I accept the outcome Am I willing to accept the consequences that may happen? Do I trust that He has my best interest in mind? Will I do my art without interfering with what God is trying to teach us? Am I willing to be taught?
If you are feeling like there is nothing more that you can do with the situation. It is time to give it to God. It is time to give it away and put down the burden. If you don’t believe in God it is still time to put down the burden, it will only drag you down trying to fix whatever is wrong. You can still give it away. You can give it to the universe, put it in a box and put it on you shelf, mentally give it away to a person you trust, write it down and burn it, bury it or talk, write or draw it out with someone you trust. The goal is to get it out of your head and put it out where you can see it, seeing it allows it to become objective. Staying in your head deeps it subjective and open to taking on a life of it;s own. It is often times than large then life and totally unmanageable. If you give away what you have no control over, you have lost nothing, because there was never anything to lose. It was not yours to begin with, which is why you are finding there is nothing you can do about it. Giving away that burden allows you to put it down and lighten your load. The following link will help you do that through relaxation and guided imagery.
If you are still dealing with things that happened a long time ago, you are holding on to the problem. The people involved will probably not even remember the event that caused the problem, only you are holding on to the hurt, pain and trauma that you felt at the time. If you have children and they have experienced events that hurt them and you are still bringing it up and thinking about it, you are holding on to it. You are binding it to you and to your children. You cannot grow and move on from the experience unless you let go of the experience and the pain that it has caused. Letting go is not easy, but, it is possible. It is hard work. It is not a magic trick that happens just by watching it happen or by wishing it was so. You have to be willing to let it go and stop allowing it to control your life and emotions. You can’t hold on to the past and move into your future. Both will not live on the same plane. You will stay stuck with the event that caused you pain, making the same mistakes that caused the event to happen. If you let it go, you will learn from it and be able to move on with your life. There is usually nothing you can do with something that happened to you in the past. If there is, then do it and let go of what you have no control over. Give it away to God, the universe or put it in a box and store it on your shelf never opening it again. But, let it go so you can move into your future. The link below will help you give away what you have no control over using guided imagery. The sooner you give it away, the sooner you will be able to move into your future and not be plagued by memories from the past.
Sometimes when bad things happen to us we wonder what we did to cause this to happen. We tend to look at it like we did something wrong and this is the punishment for whatever it was that we did. Sometimes it is because we made a bad choice and this is the consequence for that choice. Sometimes it was someone elses choice and we got caught up in the consequence because we were standing too close to the person who made the choice like a spouse or a sibling or parent. No matter what the reason, it feels like we’re being punished and wonder why. Sometimes we think that just because we go to church on Sunday’s and don’t do anything bad deliberately to anyone, we’re good and nothing bad will happen to us. That has never been the case for this writer. God has taught me lessons throughout my life. Some of them have been easy to learn and some of them have been horrific. Each time I wonder if the cost was worth the lesson. I often times wonder where God is in the process. I wonder whether or not He is remembering that I’m here walking through this problem. I feel the burden is too much to carry by myself. I have never carried a burden alone unless I did not ask Him for help. He was waiting, I didn’t ask. God is not a magic trick. You don’t pray and expect your life to be perfectly smooth. It’s not like putting coins in a machine with the expectation that you will get no problems in return. Learning from the problems that are given is a growing experience, if you let them. If you don’t learn, if you only hold on to the emotion attached to the event or become angry, you bind it to yourself and the other people involved in it. You stay stuck in it. You suffer longer with it. Giving it away to a God who loves you will allow it to pass quicker and you will learn what you need to learn from it. The link below is a guided imagery and relaxation exercise that will help to let go of what you have no control over.
A woman who recently was divorced became the object of gossip in the town. She was attractive and men wanted to talk with her. Her ex-husbands girlfriends began to talk about her and make up stories about her. She soon became the town whore and even more men wanted to talk with her. Their purpose was not to get to know her, but to have sex with her. She soon became reclusive and often times stayed home so she wouldn’t have to rebuff the men who approached her. She had children and did not want them to think that having a different man in your bed every night was the right thing to do. She knew that their father was having women in his bed. She tried to talk with her ex but her would not listen to her and said that she would have to deal with what she was doing and that if she wanted the talk to stop she should stop being a whore. She took her children and moved away from the area.
She prayed for herself, her children and for the people who lied about her. She especially prayed for her ex-husband. She wanted to forgive but found it difficult. She learned how to take deep breaths and give what she could not control over to God. She could not stop the gossip, but she could protect her children from hearing lies about their mother. She needed to forgive their father and let go of his lack of caring about her or them. The link below will help you let go of what you have no control over.
Here is the link Enjoy!