Solitude

Solitude is something that is in short supply these days.  We don’t seems to have time enough in the day to find solitude.  When life becomes too busy and we don’t have time to connect with ourselves we lose ourselves in the midst of all of the motion.  Taking time every day to reconnect with ourselves, to ground ourselves in each moment.  That means we have to take the time to meditate, pray or just be silent for a little while.  To allow ourselves to reconnect body, mind and spirit.  To listen to what our inner voice is saying so we can follow it.  Letting go of those things that are keeping us from taking the time to listen to our inner voice is not always easy.  Changing our routines to make the time is also not always easy.  If we don’t want to become overwhelmed by life it is a necessity.  The following link will help you to let go of what is holding you back.  It will help you to calm yourself enough to let go and reconnect with what is important for your life to move forward.

Here is the link. Enjoy!

Staying stuck

When you can’t let go of something in your past and you continue to think about it, dwell on the pain and hurt that it caused, you are stuck.  You are stuck in the past and cannot move forward until you resolve the reason why you’re stuck in this experience.  You have to figure out why this experience has caused you such pain.  You have to figure out why you allowed this experience to keep you stuck there.  You have to figure out why you can’t let go of it.  Why you want to stay in the pain that it is causing you.  Sometimes it is because of fear.  Sometimes it is because of the need for revenge, making that person pay for what they’ve done to you.  Sometimes it is because we think someone should apologize for what they’ve done to us.  Whatever the reason we have chosen to stay stuck in the past, it is only hurting us.  It is only hurting you because everyone else has moved on in their life, while you are still hurting over this experience from the past.  Letting go is never easy, if it were we all would be able to do it without a thought about it.  Letting go of something in our past that has served some function in our lives is difficult, but worth it.  Anything worth while is always difficult, but, always worth the effort that it takes to do it.  The following link will help you to let go of what is no longer functioning for you in your life.

Here is the link. Enjoy!

The need to control

People who have a need to control their environment and everything in it have come from a place where everything has been out of control.  There was a point in their life where everything was out of control and bad things happened to them.  It was usually a point in their life when they were not making the decisions about their life, like childhood or a relationship that was controlling and you allowed someone else or someone else forced you into making decisions for you.  Things became so difficult that you thought you were losing your mind.  You were made to think that it was you that was crazy and irresponsible.  You may have even been blamed for the things that ultimately happened.  You became controlling because you never wanted that to happen to you again.  Your need to control everything came from a place of fear that it would happen again.  In order for those things to not happen again, you needed to control everyone and everything around you.  It is an exhausting job.  It takes a lot of energy to do that.  Not everyone cooperates and not everything goes your way.  It is often times frustrating because not everyone appreciates the fact that you want to control everything and everyone, especially them and their environment.  You may even begin to lose control of some people who are frustrated at your attempts to control them.  All of the energy that is being put into controlling the people and things around you could be better put to use, controlling yourself.  No one is trying to control you anymore and you could be putting that energy into something productive for yourself.  You could be focusing on yourself and leave other people to control themselves.  Things usually work out better that way.  You could find yourself more productive if you became focused on your own goals and left others to themselves unless they asked for your help.  Letting go of the need to control also involves letting go of the fear that brought you to the need to control.  Talking to that child within and comforting them, allowing them to realize that they are an adult now and will be able to deal with whatever comes up.  Letting go of the fear will also help you to let go of the need to control.  You should also find a Therapist who you are comfortable with and talk about the fear and your need to control and why.  The following link will help you to do just that.

Here is the link. Enjoy!

Revenge

When we have been hurt by someone a lot of us are thinking of ways to get back at the person who hurt us.  At the time it seems to be very satisfying, in the long run it is not.  It causes more problems than it resolves and does not make us feel any better.  The feelings that we feel are short-lived and often times make us feel worse about the situation.  Revenge is not sweet for very long and is often attached to consequences that we were not thinking about at the time.  It can and often times does lead to situations that cause us more problems and difficulties.  Problems that we have caused for ourselves trying to get back at the person who hurt us.  People who have hurt us will eventually get paid back.  What goes around comes around, karma will eventually get them without us needing to lift a finger to help it along.  Without causing karma to get us back for what we did to get even.  If you live long enough, you realize that it all works out in the end.  It works out better than anything you could have thought up too.  Letting go of the thought that it is up to you to get even is a matter of letting go of the control that you think you have over the situation.  It is a matter of realizing that what goes around comes around applies to you as well.  Life will eventually balance itself out. Letting go of the need for revenge has its rewards, positive rewards, as opposed to the negative ones that come from revenge.  Letting go of the need to control what happens to the person that hurt you is a step in the right direction.  Knowing that it will work itself out in the long run without your help is another positive step.  Nothing stays hidden forever.  The following link will help you to let go of all of those things you have no control over but maybe think that you did.

Here is the link. Enjoy!

Being truly present

Being present in your life is not just about showing up.  It is about listening with your entire self.  That means putting down your phone, not engaging in another activity.  Engaging your entire self in listening to what the other person is saying, doing and thinking.  You cannot do that if you’re doing something else at the time.  Your brain is capable of doing many things at once, but, none of them get done well.  Your brain needs to focus on one thing at a time in order for it to do that thing well and to completion.  If you are multi-tasking you are not doing anything well.  You are doing those things but, not well, not completely.  You will be missing something.  You should not be doing that if you are talking to someone you love and care about.  They will know that they don’t have your full attention and will not rely upon you to listen to what they have to say.  Being fully present means that you are listening with you entire self.  You are devoting yourself to this person at the present time, you are listening and reflecting back to them what they just told you.  You are not adding your opinion, you are not telling them why you think they are wrong, you are just listening and repeating back to them what they just told you.  If you are not doing that with your friend, they will probable never try to tell you anything again.  When people look for someone to talk to, they are doing it because they need someone to listen.  If you’re not listening, they are wasting their breath and will not try to talk to you again because of that.  People who need to talk with someone are looking for someone to listen.  Being truly present for that person is a gift to that person,  if you love them you will give it.  If you cannot give it, chance are that you are not truly present with anything in your life, you are avoiding your life for whatever the reason.  Keeping yourself busy, not being truly present, means that you are running away from something that you don’t want to face.  Being present to someone is also being present to yourself.  Knowing who and what you are in relationship to others.  Letting go of those things that are keeping you from being truly present to the people in your life who matter to you.  The following link will help you to do that.

Here is the link. Enjoy!

You’re enough

Being enough without changing anything about yourself should be something that we all think and feel.  That is not always the case.  Some of us feel that we have to change ourselves to suit others.  We have to become someone else to fit in with them.  We have to change something about ourselves in order to have someone as a friend.  If you are in that situation you have lost yourself.  If you are not enough all by yourself for whomever you’re trying to fit in with, you will never be enough.  You will also lose yourself in the process of trying to be someone you’re not.  True friends love us for who and what we are right now in the present.  As we grow and change, they love the changes in us.  They value us as people and human beings.  They love us just the way we are without having to change anything.  They support us and tell us things we need to hear without judgment, whether we want to hear them or not.  They will always think that we are enough.  They will encourage us to think that we are enough.  They will value us for who and what we are without changing a thing.  The only changes we will make is because we want to change, not because we feel we have to for someone else.  Letting go of the need to fit in with someone or something else is a childhood thing and we should let go of it.  It is a lack of confidence in ourselves and who and what we are, feeling not enough. Feeling we are not good enough the way we are  and if people are going to like us, we need to be someone else.  We are all unique, there is not another one of us anywhere.  We need to be able to focus on our gifts and what we bring to the picture and value them before anyone else will value them and us.  Knowing the gifts that we bring to others and valuing them enough to use them to help others is a confidence problem.  Letting go of our lack of confidence and valuing ourselves and what we bring to the world can be difficult.  Letting go of the doubts about ourselves and replacing them with the gifts that we bring to the world is a first step.  The following link will help you to do that.

Here is the link. Enjoy!

The art of finger pointing

Finger pointing is an art that seems to be growing in this country.  As a therapist I see people often that are always ready to blame someone else for their problems or the situation they find themselves in at the present time.  Finger pointing has always been alive and well in this country, if you were raised in dysfunction it is part of your childhood and one of your coping strategies.  There was at least one of your siblings that was blamed for everything that went wrong within your family.  Maybe it was you.  Blaming others for what is happening in your life at this point is just that, a coping strategy, a habit that you learned in your childhood.  As an adult it is no longer working unless your sociopathic.  Taking responsibility for whatever your life happens to be at this moment is the only way you are going to be able to learn from the mistakes you’re making and move on from them.  It is never easy to change a behavior and this one is more difficult then most.  If you are used to reflecting blame, the impulse to continue to do so is great.  Catching yourself doing it will take not only recognizing that you’re doing it but, being courageous enough to acknowledge that it is your mistake.  It will require your being responsible for your own actions or in-actions and the consequences for them.  Suffering whatever fallout that will come from whatever was done.  Owning your mistakes will grow your character and make you feel better about yourself, it will help you to not repeat patterns and mistakes in your life.  Letting go of the fear that comes from taking responsibility for what you do or don’t do is a response from childhood.  The fear is from childhood and watching what happened within your home to the person that did take responsibility for everyone.  It is okay to let it go now, it is no longer useful and is probable getting you into trouble with the people you want to trust you.  They won’t as long as you’re not being truthful about what you’re doing.  The following link will help to relax you and let go of those things from your childhood that are no longer working for you.

Here is the link. Enjoy!