Forgiveness

Forgiveness is difficult because most of us feel that it will let the other person off the hook, for whatever was done.  It allows no one to take responsibility for whatever was done. No one is punished.  It is a void between us that stays there hanging on until someone picks it up.  It is always present whenever you are with this person.  If I were to tell you that is only in your mind, not theirs.  That they may or may not remember the event. That the only person carry this around is you, what would you say?  Not forgiving someone is like carrying around a sack of rocks on your back.  Every time someone does something to you, you put another rock in your sack and fling it on your back.  You are the only person suffering with this, you are the only person remembering it, you are the only person carrying it around.  If you put the sack down, you free yourself.  The other person is still responsible for whatever they did, whether they take that responsibility on or not.  Whether they ever acknowledge what they did to you or not.  Whether they ever say they are sorry for doing it or not.  They are still responsible.

Part of forgiveness is forgiving yourself.  Most of us will blame ourselves for not seeing it coming,  for not knowing it was happening until it was too late.  We are angry with ourselves for not being smart enough, cunning enough, too trusting or too naive.  Forgiving yourself for being any of those things is not easy. Sometimes we will allow ourselves to become hardened by the fact that we did allow ourselves to be those things, with this person.  Becoming hardened is hurting you.  It is allowing that event, that person to change you in a negative manner.  If you allow yourself to learn from whatever mistake you made during this event, then you come out of it a better person, not a bitter person, and chances are, next time you will see it coming.  If you refuse to forgive, that is all you will ever see or feel.  It will harden you, make you bitter.  It will only hurt you.  It will never hurt the other person.  Learning from mistakes that are made is a healthy way to deal with any problem.  Taking a look inside at your part of whatever happened is the only thing that you can do.  You have no control over the other person.  Changing you for the better, will allow you to see it coming the next time.  There is always a next time.  Letting go of the anger, resentment and need for revenge will free you and allow you to become a better person.  This guided imagery video will help you to let go of those things and people you have no control over.   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxfXvKoRJ53hEQ8p1TTmAaw   Enjoy!

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Forgiveness

Most people believe that forgiving someone means that the person that hurt us is no longer responsible for what they did to us, that they do not have to make it up to us any longer, that whatever they did is removed from their history with us.  That is not true.  Whatever happened between you is still there, the only thing that changes when you forgive someone is that you put the burden of carrying their responsibility around with you. Not forgiving someone is like carrying around a sack on your back and every time someone does something to you, you put a rock in the sack and fling it over your back and carry it around.  Pretty soon you are slumped over trying to carry this sack and people are looking at you like there is something wrong with you.  The person that hurt you does not even remember the incident and you are still carrying around the hurt.  The only person who is hurt by that is you.  Carrying it around hurts you on a daily basis.  Forgiving people allows you to put down the sack of rocks and move on with your life.  It does nothing to or for the other person.  They are still responsible for whatever they did and will eventually pay for it.  Not your concern, your concern is moving on with your life and not allowing the hurt to stop you from living your life.  When you do that, they win.  When you forgive, you move on and they lose.  You remain the person you have always been and did not allow them to change you and make you bitter.  You did allow yourself to learn lessons from the event so it will not happen again, you just didn’t put it in a sack and carry it around with you for the rest of your life.  No one and nothing is worth that burden.  Here is my guided imagery video to help you get rid of the sack of rocks.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxfXvKoRJ53hEQ8p1TTmAaw